Lexie Bean is a trans multidisciplinary artist whose work moves across writing, film, and community-based practice, always based on questions of identity, memory, and the body. For over fifteen years, they have worked closely with survivors of domestic and sexual violence, creating spaces for storytelling through books, performances, and visual work. Their practice is collaborative and often centres those whose voices are most often overlooked, particularly trans people and survivors of childhood trauma. Across their work, Bean returns to the idea of rebuilding – of finding language for pain, and of turning personal history into something that can be shared, understood, and, in some way, transformed.

With What Will I Become?, their first feature documentary and co-directed with Logan Rozos, Bean brings this same sensitivity to the screen. The film is a very important piece of work, created over years of listening and working within communities. It is a piture about loss, but also about who gets to be seen, who gets to be heard, and what it means to create space for stories that might otherwise remain untold.

Ahead of the screening at the BFI Flare, we sat down with Lexie to talk about the importance of What Will I Become? and why it’s vital to bring stories like this to light.

View of the Arts: What motivated you to make a film specifically about the vulnerability of transmasculine youth, and why did you choose Blake Brockington and Kyler Prescott’s stories as the lens for that exploration?

Lexie Bean: We are trans boy survivors of attempts ourselves and the beast of patriarchal masculinity heavily impacted my coming out and sense of future. Blake and Kyler both died of suicide in the years surrounding our attempts and coming outs. I believe our overall trans community is better served when we make the time and space to speak to the nuances within different identities of the umbrella – and get beyond 101 and pronouns.

VOA: The documentary is very personal, as both of you are trans suicide survivors. How did your own experiences shape the way you approached telling these stories?

LB: I knew I was tired of these conversations being sensationalized and overly simplified as a result of a single bad actor (whether it be the force that caused the suicide or the victim being “selfish” or “not strong enough”). It wasn’t too long ago suicide was considered a crime in the US. Arriving to this, there was clarity that Blake should speak as much for himself as possible, and even Kyler with so little documentation of his life. There was also clarity from the start that there should be trans led resources elevated and we must know more about people than their deaths.

VOA: The film highlights the immense pressures that even visible and celebrated trans youth face. How did you balance showing public achievements with the private struggles that often remain hidden?

LB: I personally connect a lot to this layer in the film and speak briefly on camera about the pressure to “be okay” in a way to “not let other people down.” When possible, most learned from my decade+ of facilitation experience , I try to lead by example. I aim to let people know they don’t need to be fully recovered from whatever it is to be heard, to be in community, or to make something. I try to remind myself that my shame often does not belong to me. I try to remind myself about where I am in the moment and honor the responsibility (and gift) of making it this far in life. Also thankfully there is a lot of new community dialogue finding more nuance in visibility – especially with Trans Day of Visibility coming up.

VOA: What was the most challenging aspect of conveying the emotional realities of depression, isolation, and trauma in a way that resonates with audiences without sensationalising their experiences?

LB: This aspect honestly came fairly naturally to me after working with fellow survivors of incest and childhood sexual abuse – which has similar challenges in sensationalism. The related part that has been challenging is letting people who haven’t seen the film yet know that it’s okay and possible to talk about these subjects with care. I think assumptions can be made that this film will be purely “heavy” or “sad,” where it’s truly just as much about life and community as it is about death and isolation.

VOA: The documentary shows how societal misunderstanding, family rejection, and systemic failures contribute to risk. What changes do you hope viewers, especially policymakers or educators, take away from the film?

LB: Their words and actions dont go without consequence. We are people – which is lost in the dehumanization of it all; we are a people that represent change and transformation – and these are necessary.

VOA: The transmasculine community is shown as particularly vulnerable in your film. What do you think are the specific social, cultural, or systemic factors that contribute to this, and how can communities respond?

LB: Going from a group that is infantalised to a group that is expected to go about everything stoicly and alone. Misgeny and noting that many people raised into girlhood will not be believed or taken seriously, so we may lean into isolated or emotionally detached behaviors to be taken seriously. The reality many of us have been directly harmed by men and the patriarchy and it is profound to encounter what it means to embody or resemble them. There is a wonderful non-binary poet named Alok who offers this concept so well – they speak to how “trans issues” are indeed not our issues. It is the work of a larger society, which is why we expand the title of our film “what will I become?” to everyone.

VOA: Finally, if you could convey one core message to young trans people watching the film – those who may feel unseen, unsafe, or unheard – what would it be?

LB: You are not the burden and thanks for being here in the ways you know how. 

Written and intrviewed by Maggie Gogler

Featured image courtesy of Lexie Bean

_{View of the Arts is an online publication dedicated to film, music, and the arts, with a strong focus on the Asian entertainment industry. As we continue to grow, we aim to deepen our coverage of Asian music while remaining committed to exploring and celebrating creativity across the global arts landscape.}